


Doubt

by drarryxtrash



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Based on a Twenty One Pilots Song, Drarry, M/M, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:20:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9301715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drarryxtrash/pseuds/drarryxtrash
Summary: Post-war Draco is struggling with himself and what he's done. He misses Harry, a lot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic so please be nice!  
> Also I thought I'd warn you this is not gonna be a happy story.  
> Based on Doubt - twenty øne pilots.

_Scared of my own image_

_Scared of my own immaturity_

 

He stared at his own reflection and, yes, what he saw did scare him. No wonder people were afraid of him. His face was sharp-lined, his expression angry. He always wondered why no one could see how broken he was, but now he understood. Only his eyes could reveal his secrets, but no one dared to look him in the eye. It was all his own fault.

 

_Scared of my own ceiling_

_Scared I'll die of uncertainty_

 

He stepped back, still looking at the window. It was dark outside. He saw the moon shine. Everything seemed sad, he wondered if he would ever be happy again. Of course, he knew one person that had always made him happy, without knowing, but he didn’t think he would ever see him again.

 

_Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety_

_Don't know what's inside of me_

 

The young man was his complete opposite. He would probably run away if he’d try to talk to him. Draco couldn’t blame him. If he could, he would run away from himself as well. He wondered what really had made him do this. How did he get here? He never was a nice person, and he knew that, but what he was now… He couldn’t describe it. It felt like a demon lived inside of him. “No,” he spoke to his reflection, “I wouldn’t want to be seen with me either.” This thought scared him. Could things ever get better?

 

_Don't forget about me_

_Don't forget about me_

_Even when I doubt you_

_I'm no good without you, no, no_

 

He remembered that one night everything had felt right. With the other man’s arms around him, his naked skin pressed against him.He wished he could go back to that day. He change everything he’d done, except for that night.

But after every night, a morning follows. And in this specific morning, he’d freaked out when he woke up. How could this have happened? Why had he let this happen? And why hadn’t Potter stopped it? Did he really want this? And did Draco himself want this? He didn't know. In confusion he’d ran away, and Potter never looked at him again. Draco hoped he remembered him. He had given up the hopes of it ever happening again, but still, he hoped the memory remained and made Potter smile like it did to him.

 

_Temperature is dropping, temperature is dropping_

_I'm not sure if I can see this ever stopping_

 

Draco shivered. It was already past 1.00 am. He slowly walked away from the window he had still been looking at, and laid down in his bed. As soon as he laid down, the flashback started again. It had happened every night. As soon as he closed his eyes, he would see Potter with him again. It was causing him a great lack of sleep, but he didn't think it would ever stop.

 

_Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no_

_You are all that I've got, no_

 

He assumed he just had to live with it. He didn't know how, he absolutely hated himself and every decision he’d ever made. Leaving him alone that morning. Fighting against him in the war. It was no surprise at all that Potter hated him, but he was sure he hated himself even more.

Yet Potter was the only good thing left in his life. He couldn't forget about him. He had accepted that a long time ago. Just like he had accepted he’d probably never get out of this darkness. He had accepted that this was how his life was going to be. Probably forever

 

_Don't forget about me_

_Don't forget about me_

_Even when I doubt you_

_I'm no good without you, no, no, no, no, no_

 

Yet he kept thinking about Potter. About how his arms had felt around him. He had been slightly drunk that night (how else could he have ended up in bed with Potter) but he still remembered every single detail of it. And he hoped, Potter did too. After all, it really was the only bright side of Draco’s miserable life.

 

_Gnawing on the bishops, claw our way up their system_

_Repeating simple phrases, someone holy insisted_

_I want the markings made on my skin_

_To mean something to me again_

_Hope you haven't left without me_

_Hope you haven't left without me,_ _please_

 

He wished he could move on. Forget about everything, move to another country and just be happy again.

But he couldn’t. The dark ink of the mark on his arm reminded him of his past, whether he liked it or not. A mark he had once been so proud of wearing, but a mark he now hated almost as much as he hated himself. It made him wonder if everyone else had been able to move on. Had Potter moved on? What if HE had left the country? Draco shivered at this thought. He was always hoping he would somehow run into him again, but what if he had left? He would never see him again. That couldn't happen...

 

_Don't forget about me_

_Don't forget about me_

_Even when I doubt you_

_I'm no good without you, no, no, no, no_

_Hey! Hey!_

_Don't forget about me, no_

 

He was praying he would still be here somewhere. Praying they would somehow meet again. But most of all, praying Potter hadn’t forgotten about him.


End file.
